Some thoughts on gratitude
and even more thoughts about "it could always be worse. . ."
Last week was something. One of my daughters needed to begin physical therapy and occupational therapy for a chronic health issue. Though she is an adult, but not yet 21, and because of where her specialists are located, we were at a therapy center connected to a university children’s hospital. My daughter’s godmother, one of my dearest friends, came to pick her up when I had to leave early for a work meeting. We’d gotten some scary news at the appointment and after leaving my daughter with the therapist, I was relating this news to my friend in the waiting room, teary and afraid. We both acknowledged that all we had to do was look around that very room to realize things could always be worse.
But . . .
this idea that we should be grateful we’re not as bad off as others has never set well with me. Suffering is so complicated and so personal, I’m not sure comparison is helpful. I DO think it’s helpful to recognize that we are not alone, that everyone is likely suffering in some way, great or small, or at least has suffered, or will suffer at some point. It’s the stuff of life. But I don’t really want to be grateful that my life is not as bad as someone else’s because, well, what about them? I want to see people for who they are, not as they’re defined by what I imagine they suffer.
Cleary, I’m struggling to make sense of my feelings around this but here’s what I’m getting at, I think:
Someone else’s suffering, even if it’s “greater,” doesn’t diminish yours. We only know our own experience, our own feelings. If something feels hard for you, it is. And that alone makes it valid.
Also, there will always be someone who has it worse no matter what we’re suffering through. Maybe it’s worth taking a moment, not just to be grateful we aren’t them, but to hold space for what they are dealing with, to wish them peace and comfort and strength, realizing that whatever is going on is theirs and it exists on its own, outside of my experience.
Even though, *waves arms around at everything,* there is much to be grateful for. The sun came up this morning (unless you are in Alaska). We also woke up this morning and there are plenty in the world who didn’t. Everyone reading this has food to eat and electricity and internet. I am thankful . . . even though.
xo,
Beth
